March has officially declared itself as the challenger of this year. (So far anyways.) January and February have been nothing but momentum, ideas and clarity, then March 1 comes around and BOOM. Sudden changes in finances, perspective and gratitude.

I want to really start this post with ensuring you know, I am so full of gratitude. I look around at the world and all the things that could go wrong, and I know deep down I have been so incredibly lucky. I am fortunate to have the determination to attain my dreams, lucky to even have the ability to dream big in the first place. I am lucky to have found my soul mate by the age of 15. I am lucky to have the ability to be in Colorado Springs, perusing our DREAM lives. I am lucky to have family, not only my own but Nolan’s as well. I am SO lucky to have found so many incredible friends in such a short amount of time.

I. Am. Grateful.

I realize not everyone gets these kind of shots at life, either due to their own choices or not. I see this every day. This is part of why I do what I do. Suffering is so present, and the amount of disconnect we have with ourselves blows my mind. My ultimate dreams entail a center of wellness where everyone is truly included, can truly transform and transcend the burdens and challenges they have been given. Until then….

This week has been HARD. Blame it on the stars, the retrograde, the season, whatever. It sucks, and I’m trying my best to remain the strong, centered person I portray. The truth though is I’ve cried every day, feeling on top of the world one moment, and completely fear-stricken the next. I realize I’m working on digging up lots of shit I bury deep down, and I also realize I will be so much stronger soon.

March first we were hit with a sudden diagnosis with Nolan’s spine, an issue that is extremely serious, but 100% reversible. When I discovered what the risks were if gone untreated, a wave of fear swept over me. I haven’t ever felt a fear so real and so gripping on my heart.

Now don’t get me wrong, we are going through with all of the recommended treatments, both with western medicine and holistic science. It will just cost 5K. Because insurance decided the issue wasn’t serious enough to be covered. This infuriates me to no end, but it is what it is. Same day I discover, again, thanks to the insurance companies and beyond, I will owe a hefty sum in taxes. To top it all off, I need new brakes, rotors, a hub and tires on my car.

All in 7 days.

Coming back to gratitude, I am so grateful we have our emergency fund in place to assist us so we don’t have to further our debt.

All of this is a challenge, we see that. We had a solid plan and ran into a (huge) bump in the road and the universe wants to see how strong and determined we really are. This won’t stop us from anything at all.

Most of this suffering however is rooted a little deeper, and I’m still exploring these themes in my life. Abhinivesa, translating to fear of death in sanskrit, is one of those themes. This is one of the 5 kleshas, or human afflictions that we suffer from. Money, power and powerlessness is another, followed by dependence VS independence. These themes are so…deep. And so connected. It’s a whole new level of spiritual work than I’ve experienced, but I welcome it. This money magic course I am in is really trudging up the mud. This work confuses me, causes me to often-times run in circles, question the paths I walk and more. Sometimes, there seems to be no clarity.

Ultimately, it’s a choice to do this work. I’m fully aware of the consequences of it, and if I don’t free these fears and resistances now. they just follow. It’s painful and full of roadblocks. But I am so rooted in faith of love, the universe and oneness that I trust it will always be ok. Even when the fear grips my heart.

I’m learning to fill the void of neutrality with love before anything else can creep in. I meditate every morning and write down gratitudes everyday. I use mantras to ground the mind, so I can return to the heart-space.

Even thinking of these practices lightens my heart. We are safe, we are taken care of, and all is well.

I am eager to hear how your energy has been lately, Find me on instagram, facebook or in the YogiSophie’s Sistas facebook group!

Lots of love and I hope you find the space this week to get in touch with the peaceful warrior within you.
YogiSophie

P.S. I am hosting a free live chakra course in the YogiSophie’s Sistas facebook group starting April 1! Seven days of energy work, modalities to balance the chakras and 20 minute of yoga at the end of each live video! If you stay till the very end, there will also be an exclusive surprise for you all!